13 July 2007

eHarmony thinks I'm too picky.

No, they didn't reject me. But really, they probably should have. I've gotten two (2!) potential matches since my experiment started. One was a 46-year-old guy who mentioned exercise and physical fitness roughly a billion times in his profile. If I want a gym rat, there are plenty AT MY GYM. I can talk to them for free! The other was 30, doesn't read anything besides internet articles and shorter than me. In my experience, guys on the interweb who say they're just a smidge taller than me (5'10" or 5'11") often aren't telling the truth. If I'm wearing my Converse All-Stars and at 5'9", I'm looking down at you; honey, you are not 5'10". This guy was 5'8". I imagine I could pick him up and carry him around like a wee baby.

Anyway, eHarmony sent me an e-mail today or yesterday or sometime. They said:

If you don't have a match at this point in your eHarmony membership, this is because we haven't yet found someone who is a terrific fit for you. But take heart: our system is always automatically searching for matches for you, and over 10,000 people are joining eHarmony each day.

Newsflash! I don't think either of the people thus far would have been terrific. Mediocre might have been pushing it.

Oh, but wait. There's more!

You might want to review and reconsider your Match Settings. These are your criteria for geographical location, race, religious denomination, whether a person has children, etc. If you are open to broadening some of these criteria, especially geographical location, the likelihood increases that we can find you matches who are not only highly compatible with you, but also meet your Match Settings criteria.

Yeah, because your feelings on whether or not you'd date outside your race or whether your strict Baptist upbringing would allow you to date an atheist are things that are going to change overnight. Right.

This experiment is pretty lame. I will probably give it up soon. If only I could get someone to sponsor a membership for me so I could ... I don't know. Or not. That sounds like it could be treading dangerously close to some sort of romantic comedy plot. I think not.

I look forward to another anonymous commenter with an eHarmony success story. The Social Worker and I were talking the other night about how eHarmony and other places have employees whose job it is to troll the web to find opportunities to post blog comments or message board posts touting the service.


Kristin said...

Don't give them any of your money! Even someone else's money as an experiment. Homophobes and conservative born-agains they are.

Jerious Norwood said...

Sure, I'm listed at 5'11'', but trust me I'm all blogger. And remember, If you want more, you have to require more from yourself. And... Sometimes you make the right decision, sometimes you make the decision right.

Anonymous said...

I was about to make a joke that would have ended up very much like Jerious', but more sensical.

I can vouch for Jerious' tallness. Also, he has nipples like pepperoni slices.

That's a turn on, right?

Jerious Norwood said...

Oh, so now Dr. Phil is non-sensicle?!? Puta.

Jess said...

Am I going to have to separate you boys? Why do I feel like I've said that before?

Kristin ... I am inclined to agree. Christine is all about ponying up the money, though, to sponsor me. She's even created a new blog.