06 June 2007

I hate Lolcats.

I hate internet-speak with the white-hot intensity of a thousand burning suns. I'm not at all fond of cats. Put the two together and you have Lolcats, which make me want to do many things, including but not limited to: slit my wrists, punch someone in the throat, gouge my eyes out and scream.

Why the sudden explosion of them and other Lolwhatevers? Even you, Kissing Suzy Kolber?

If you need me, I'll be WSTS.

53 comments:

Christine said...

OMG! They're all over MNSpeak, too! Have you been lurking?

Jess said...

Yeah, that was one of the things that pushed me over the edge today.

Kourai said...

I don't even know you, but god knows i'm happy to know i'm not the only one hating lolcats...
I actually like cats, but i can't understand how people is so fascinated with lolcats. And the fact everybody seems to have a lolcat picture for every situation in life, really pisses me off.

Jess said...

And we are not even the only Lolcat haters out there. Several visitors each week to this very blog arrive here after typing "I hate Lolcats" into their favorite search engine.

We should start a club or something.

Anonymous said...

i hate lolcats

haha jess is right...thats what i did...just to see if anyone else agreed with me

the one i hate most is the white cat in a pile of marshmallows and it say " I is not a mallow"

they piss me off

Anonymous said...

Do what I did. Go to one of those sites and make your own:

http://images.icanhascheezburger.com/completestore/2008/4/27/irtoonces128538217548125000.jpg

Jess said...

Oh, that is so wrong. So terribly, delightfully wrong.

Anonymous said...

Oh my god, I CAN'T STAND THEM! Thanks for posting this

Jess said...

You're not the only one, Anonymous3.

For whatever reason, I've had at least a dozen visits in the last day or so from people Googling "I hate lolcats." Mostly from UK IP addresses. Weird.

This has led me to find out though, that when you Google "I hate lolcats" this post is the first in the list of results.

I RULE! Boo LOLCATS!

Anonymous said...

Yep, another UK IP address here from google: "I hate lolcats"

Even worse than the icanhascheezburger.com are the comments left by the people who visit it. Vomit.

Jess said...

Oh dear Lord, people leave comments on Icanhascheezburger?

I weep for humanity.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, first hit on google, came here. I actually dont mind the pictures, they can be funny, but when someone adds a comment as if written by a demented 6 years old to accompany the picture it makes my stomach hurt...

Jess said...

Seriously, I knew nothing of these comments until just recently. And I hope to never see them.

Anonymous said...

Me again! (UK IP address)
Here is a lovely sample of the comments from icanhascheezburger.com:

Ohwell, if yu insist…
*ahemhemhem*
MIIIIIIIIIIIIDNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYTTT!
Nawt a sown form teh
*deep breff*
PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYVVVVMMEEEEEEENNNNTTTTT!
Has teh mune lawst her
Mamreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees
She is smylin…..
Aloen

Tankuverreemush, Ai’s heer awl week. Try teh tryp! Donut fergit to tip yur wayter!

Please excuse me while I am sick in to my mouth for the next hour or so.

HUUUUUURRRRP.

Jess said...

Thank you for posting this. It's very important that we know what we're fighting against.

Anonymous said...

Oh wow, I got to this site from Googling "hate lolcats", too. (Australian.)

I just saw the LOLcat "translation" of the Bible, and it was deeply, deeply disturbing.

It's the LOLcat captions that get me... ugh.

Jess said...

Wait. What?

An Lolcats translation of the Bible?

Please kill me now. Not that I'm religious or anything. I heart blasphemy as much as the next person (probably more), but ... well, I hate the Lolcats.

Anonymous said...

I hate lolcats as well!!!!

i'm not too fond of cats because i'm allergic to them, but that's beside the point...

all my friends are obsessed with them and it does my head in!!!
will they ever end??

Jess said...

You'd think they'd be totally over after at least a year, wouldn't you? Alas, Lolcats seem to have some sort of freakish Interwebs staying power.

Tim said...

Its great to find a place with people who feel the same way as I do. I actually typed in "Icanhascheezburger" and I'm from NZ. I absolutely detest Lolcats. I do actually love cats and we have 2 of our own however it is the butchery of English on that site that is unbelievable! Just the name "I can has cheezburger" is testimony of children's (or those of that stunted mentality) lack of grasp on their own language. I'm only 23 myself and I think myself far from perfect grammar-wise, however I certainly give credence to those elderly one's that say "what are they teaching children at school these days?". I know how they feel now. I genuinely think someone should do a study on those that frequent that site of both their IQ and language skills. I think the results wouldn't be too surprising(<90?). Anyway, I'm not much of a website designer so if anyone wants to make a site for like minded people I'd definitely be up for it. End rant.

mikeofdoom said...

Thank you!
Nice to know one is not alone.
The damn things make me want to stomp all cats to death, and I've been a vegetarian for 24 years.
Lolcats, "lol", "OMG!!!11", "rediculous".....
Time to drop the bomb, this species is done.

Max Vicious said...

I love you people.

markle sparkle said...

I love Max

Anonymous said...

Howdy from Ohio! :) I was complaining about the stupid cats in a college programming class, and made the mistake of asuming nerdy programming guys would be impervious to the damned things. Now they're are hooked on them. ThinkGeek has a tshirt that says "Everytime you canhas God kills a cat". I just can't stand them. And yes I googled I hate lolcats.

alicia said...

i like cats but hate lolcats.

learn to speak english? thanks.

Anonymous said...

THANK GOD
I'm not the only one who hates those things
I hate the captions most of all like "I can has.."
And people have started talking like that at my school, i cant take much more.

Jess said...

Yeah, it's so much worse when people start doing it. *shudder*

And Alicia -- I love your jewelry!

alicia said...

Thanks so much Jess! I saw I had a hit from this blog and came back to find a sweet comment.

Thanks so much hun :)

Anonymous said...

http://images.icanhascheezburger.com/completestore/2008/5/26/plzdoanletme128563120581391497.jpg

Anonymous said...

http://images.icanhascheezburger.com/completestore/2008/5/26/plzdoanletme128563120581391497.jpg

Anonymous said...

http://images.icanhascheezburger.com/completestore/2008/4/27/yoydidicro128538218843906250.jpg

Anonymous said...

Yeah the only thing worse are the loser who do that gay Lolcat speak, like this
gramawgs left a message for Blackprincess

"I'm sure she's one of my frenz too. one can't have too many/"

what kind of shit is that

kimmykatt said...

#1. GROW THE F*CK UP!
#2. These "lol-Peeps" do this (creating lolz) for FUN...YES! F-U-N.
#3. I think they irritate YOU because either: you are jealous due to your LACK OF IMAGINATION/TALENT, ~OR~ YOU see something IN THEM that reminds YOU of YOURSELF..."YOU SPOT IT, YOU GOT IT!" **oooh! psychology!! can you BELEVE I know what that is?? I mean, with my "6th grade educated, retarded" self??!
#4. Instead of HATING/BASHING... hmmmmmmmmmm....... let's see.....
R-E-L-A-X... if LOLCATS/ICANHASCHEEZBURGER bugs you sooooooo bad......
****~~DONT VIST THE SITE!!~~****
...........duh.
5. I believe that "people" (i use THIS word because HUMAN DECENCY keeps me from using the REAL TERM)
who HATE & DISRESPECT OTHERS WHILE LURKING (WHICH IS WHAT YOU ARE DOING) ARE KNOWN ALL OVER THE WEB AS : TROLLS.....

In short...MIND YOUR BUSINESS, AND S.T.F.U.!!!
p.s. I 'stumbled onto your...site..whatever it is by googeling "i hate commercials"...

Camichic said...

Just to skew your assumptions, I am 55 years old, have an IQ of 137, majored in English/Professional Writing, and get an enormous amount of fun from my Icanhascheezburger account. Life is growing more difficult all the time, and lolcats gives me a much needed boost to face my problems. The laughter and friendship is quite uplifting. If you get the same sort of pleasure from bashing us, so be it, just stop lurking/trolling our site and let us have fun in our own "misquided" way.

Anonymous said...

Its not that i hate people who like lolcats its just that it keeps on clogging-up search results for images, so irritating, i dont want to hate cats...please lolcats fans, dont make me hate cats.

noneofurbusinessgoglea said...

yep lolcats is the worst thing ever that happend to the internet. i dont think its creative at all and i cant see anything in them that reminds me of myself. JESS YOUR AWESOME!

Anonymous said...

Yep, someone else who arrived here after Googling "I hate lolcats". Take a picture of a cat, type like a 6yo from the Ghetto and hey presto, grown men pee themselves with laughter.

Please someone give us a range of tasteful Anti-Lol Cats merchandise!

Anonymous said...

http://img33.imageshack.us/img33/1474/lolcats.jpg

Mike said...

I got to this by searching for "i hate lolcats". why isnt there an ihatelolcats.com ?!?!?

kimmykatt said...

losers

Anonymous said...

FUCK ALL OF YOU STUPID ASS MOTHER FUCKERS!!! LOLCATS FUCKING RULE YOU STUPID PUNK BITCH! I WILL FUCKING RAPE YOU IF YOU SAY THAT LOLCATS SUCK ONE MORE TIME! I WILL FUCKING RAPE YOU, THEN KILL YOU, THEN HAVE SEX WITH YOUR DEAD MOTHER FUCKING BODY YOU PUNK ASS BITCH MOTHER FUCKER! FUCK YOU!

Ian said...

Lolcats suck.
I thought I was the only one.

Anonymous said...

Oh wow anon youre so Internet Cool (TM) because you can say Fwords. Sweeeeet! Like anyone cares!

LOL cats are stupid and thats all!

Anonymous said...

lolcats can kiss my ass

Anonymous said...

Jesus fucking christ I agree... I saw the bible translation of it as well and I nearly turned off the comp in shame at how someone can twist the bible into something of a joke.. And I'm not even Christian!

God.. what is humanity coming to

Anonymous said...

Lolcats are unfunny, twee and cretinous, and if you like them you are too. Fact.
Lowest common denominator lazy "comedy" for those without a sense of humour. Mine is healthy, which is why I detest them. Vile, moronic reflection on where humanity is.

Love the way that the person ranting IN CAPS above is telling others to relax, and not be a "hater", whilst essentially calling all the rest of us scum because we see the phenomenon for the inherent shit it is. The irony of this isn't lost on me.

Drown them all in a well.

The Mathesons said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

U mad kimmykat?

Anonymous said...

Wow these comments are hilarious, my friends like them...why? Hell, I'll never know.

Cuiki said...

Thanks, Jess. This sort of put me in a better mood. I was going fucking mental.

Anonymous said...

I fucking hate fucking bitch-shit whoretits BASTARD CUNT LOLCATS WHAT THE FUCK THEY PLAGUED EVERYONE

FOR FUCK'S SAKE THEY'RE NOT EVEN REMTELY FUNNY

FUCKING FELINE FAGGOTS

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#drown
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