11 April 2007

I love hipsters.

No, not those hipsters. They annoy me as much as the next person. And I'm often accused of being one myself. No, I'm talking about these hipsters. It's like I've found the Holy Grail of underwear.

That's right. I said underwear, not panties. You see, panties is on the List of Words I Hate With the White-Hot Intensity of a Thousand Burning Suns. In case you're curious, the full list is:

Panties
Moist
Ointment
Slacks


That's not really the point, though. I'm so totally stoked about finally finding awesome underwear. I was on some kind of underwear-buying spree for the early part of the year and a couple times I decided to venture out from my usual bikini style, because, well ... why not? I was buying many pairs of underwear anyway, and they were on sale. I tried the boy shorts in my undie experiment, too.

For whatever reason, I just recently put the new underwear styles to the regular workout and yoga tests (I typed "testes" accidentally hahahahahaha). The boy shorts did okay in both; minimal creeping and other movement. This is never fun. I figured it was just going to happen when I worked out no matter what, because of the movement and all that. I mean, the bikinis did that all the time.

But yesterday, I wore the hipsters on the treadmill and the elliptical machine with awesome results. Yoga tonight was the best, though. I am always aware of my drawers during yoga. They're falling or cranking up or whatever. But today, during savasana, I realized I hadn't noticed my underwear at all. Yeah, I shouldn't be thinking about that kind of thing during the big relaxation. But sometimes my mind wanders. I CAN'T HELP IT.

I realize I'm a huge dork to be so excited about finding awesome underwear that I'm moved to write about it. I don't care, though. I've come a long way since the horrific incident where I accidentally wore a thong to play in an intramural softball game. I was playing first. I had to stretch to make a play. It was unpleasant. So, this is a momentous day for me. Please let me have my moment.

Most sincere apologies to all two of the male readers of this blog. Unless you like reading about girls' underwear. Then I rescind the apology.

8 comments:

Brett Gianpetro said...

My favorite part about reading this post was clicking on the 'hipster' link and being directed to the women's underwear section of the Kohls website. Of course, I was at work when I clicked on the link, so I was immediately stricken with panic, embarrassment, and humilation -- normally I stick to the Sears women's underwear website while at work.

(hopefully this sarcasm will come off in the printed word. normally I wouldn't include a paranthetical explaing my meaning, but I just got concerned that it might be a little creepy commenting for the first time on a topic that's solely based around women's undergarments. and, yes, I thought it would be funny to us the word 'undergarments')

BTW, I have been lurking on this site for a few months now, and I have to say that I really enjoy your blog. Keep up the good work (and whatever other kudos make this thing worth writing, too. or maybe you just write it for your own satisfaction, in which case you don't need any of this praise. your call.)

L'Austin Translation said...

Ha!

I swear that you and I are on this same wavelength on opposite ends of I-35.

I just found my holy grail of hipsters at American Eagle. As much as I bemoan the mall and shopping at what is -at best- a teeny bopper store and the poor man's Abercrombie, the hipsters rock.

Soft, no wedgies, no shifting, no VPL!

So, you know, if Kohls ever runs out... check out the ae.com because at least you only have to look at obnoxious pictures of preteen wooing.

Big Blue Monkey said...

You silly woman. Men who don't like seeing pictures of woman's underwear and/or reading about them?

The homersexuals will be interested in your fashion choices. The heteros will enjoy pictures of underwear. It's a win-win. Your male demographic is growing. And I mean that literally. Yeah?

Jess said...

Thanks, Brett! I mostly write for my own satisfaction, but I'm not going to lie; I do enjoy the kudos. And I wouldn't worry about coming off as a bit creepy. I'm positively tickled that you chose to comment for the very first time on a post about underfrillies.

T, thanks for the tip! Not only do great minds think alike, apparently our asses are in agreement as well. It's lovely how things come together like that.

Lastly, I was going to feign shock and indignation at Big Blue Monkey's thinly-veiled innuendo. However, I thoroughly enjoyed it, so why bother?

kat said...

why is everyone so down on the word moist? it's really actually quite fun to say. i love to use that word when it's raining and someone asks how the weather is outside. "moist," i say while they mull the grossness that it implies.

moist rules! give it another chance!

Virginia Belle said...

ugh, i also hate the words "moist" (unless when being used to refer to cake or similar baked items) and "slacks". i find ointment to be slightly bothersome, as well.

i love how comfy hipsters are, but they ALWAYS give me wedgies. probably because all hipsters are too small for my 46 inch hips....

this is why i wear thongs like 99% of the time. at least i'm used to thong wedgies.

hipsters on the treadmill w/o wedgies? that NEVER happens to me. if i'm running, i must wear thongs. otherwise, i'm picking my butt the whole time. not hot. and not nice to the people behind me!

blythe said...

I could totally go for a savasana right now.

Jess said...

Perhaps I will give "moist" another chance. I do agree with VB that it's perfectly appropriate to use when discussing foodstuffs.

We could eliminate all underwear-caused problems by rebelling and going commando from here on out, ladies. Or y'all can. I just spent a bunch of money on new underwear and I will wear them, dammit!