30 March 2006
I'm feeling better after several days of freaking out about Whatshisfuckingface. It's hard having a boyfriend of four months you rarely see. It's a lot more difficult when a big reason for not seeing him is because he was diagnosed with throat cancer two months ago. I haven't the foggiest idea what's going on with him or what's going on with us. And it's a motherfucking bitch not knowing. But hopefully his trip to Florida will help him recharge and relax and figure out what he's doing. Maybe then we can sit down and figure out what we're doing.
There's obviously something different about him, because I've not given up and said, "Fuck him. I don't need this shit in my life." I'm trying. I'm communicating. Those things are completely new for me. And quite frankly, it's scary (possibly a little sad given that I'm 32 and have never bothered to really communicate or try with any of the guys I've dated). But I'm doing it.
I've even gotten some work done today. I'm scared! Someone hold me.
29 March 2006
Does digging my nails into my palms put me on the verge of being a cutter? I haven't broken the skin (yet), but I do have distinct marks there. I suppose it's only a matter of time before I do break the skin. I think I'm too old to be a cutter. And do much of a wuss. Though, I'm itching for a new tattoo ... mainly because I want the pain.
Why am I so concerned about the whole painting my nails thing anyway? This weekend some people in my hometown are resurrecting the amateur production of "Hee Haw." When I was just a wee lass, my mom was in the Jaycee Women. The Jaycee Women used to do a production of Hee Haw every year as ... I don't know, a fundraiser maybe. Apparently, some people (including my high school choir director) got together and decided that bringing back Hee Haw would be a good fundraiser for my hometown's sesquicentennial. I guess there are going to be a lot of special events at Hay Daze this year. Back to Hee Haw, I somehow got roped into participating. I wasn't ever even asked, as far as I know. It was more like, "Okay, you're going to sing this and keep these dates open and I'll know more later."
I figure that since I'm singing "Pink Cadillac," (closest to Natalie Cole's version, if you must know) I don't have to quite get down with the whole country theme as much as everyone else. My song sounds much more bluesy/r&b than anything else. When I go home, I have this irresistable urge to totally up my hipster quotient for some reason. Maybe it goes back to being different in high school. I wasn't always trying to intentionally be weird. Truth is, I'm just a bit of an odd duck amongst the people in my hometown. One of the pieces of upping my hipster shield would include wearing black nail polish. Maybe the really deep red-brown that I have, but I think this occasion calls for black nail polish. It's so much more rock 'n' roll.
At least I have a couple of days before I have to do anything. Perhaps I can get my emotions under control and I can won't need to dig my nails into my palms any more. Let's hope so.
28 March 2006
I wish I had the money to go to her show tomorrow night at First Ave. But there are so many shows coming up in the next month that I can only go to some of them. And I'm going to Robert Pollard on Thursday. Sorry, Neko. At least I got to see the in-store. Her voice is so beautiful. And she's pretty easy on the eyes, too. I guess she was supposed to be on The Current yesterday. However, her wallet was stolen and she had to cancel. Poor thing! She said she'd been on a plane all day today.
After fighting with my stupid camera to try to get the stupid zoom to work, I took a few pictures.
It's sunny and 42 right now. The forecast high is 48, but I would venture a guess that we might shoot past that. *crosses fingers*
I managed to get my grubby little hands on the leaked Snow Patrol and Stills albums. I'm pretty much enamoured with Snow Patrol's latest effort after one listen. I will take The Stills for a test run on the bus ride home. The first track sounded pretty different from anything on "Logic Will Break Your Heart." However, it was different in a good way. I'm really looking forward to that show on April 14.
Tonight is also yoga night. But if I'm going to walk around the lake, I might skip it. I believe I'll be playing that one by ear. I'd planned to do some cleaning before heading out to yoga, but now I'll have to do it after the walk. Meh. At least I'm getting excercise.
It's not even 10:00 a.m. and I'm thinking today might be a halfway decent Tuesday. Sweet.
27 March 2006
It's gray and rainy today. It's going to be gray tomorrow. However, on Wednesday the forecast calls for sun and temps in the mid-50s. It'll be warmer Thursday, and there could be thunderstorms. I so love thunderstorms. However, I hope they're late. I don't want to get caught in the rain on the way to the Robert Pollard show.
Knowing there are good things on the horizon make days like this easier to get through.
26 March 2006
I've been in the new apartment for less than a month, but I've already had a few laundry-related issues with the people who live here. There are only four apartments and I think all but one are occupied by one person. There's only one washer and one dryer, which is kind of a pain. But there are only a handful of people living here, so it makes sense.
In my first week here, I went to do laundry after work and there were clothes in the washer and clothes on top of the dryer. I really, really hate taking people's clothes out of the washer or dryer. So, I waited. And waited. And waited. After three hours, I finally sucked it up and took the clothes out.
These were definitely a guy's clothes. Yesterday, it was more of the same. A guy's clothes in the washer, clothes in a hamper on the floor next to the dryer and clothes on top of the dryer. I think I waited an hour or so before taking the clothes out. I went down to do a couple of loads of towels this evening and the clothes were all still sitting there, more than 24 hours later. Wow.
Unfortunately, when I went down to see if my towels were dry an hour ago, they were out of the dryer and wet in my laundry basket. Nice. They couldn't have been sitting for very long. Shoot, I thought there was still time on the dryer. And guess what? The clothes on the table that I removed from the washer yesterday were gone. I imagine they're in the dryer. Yay!
At least now I know that I should have no mercy when it comes to taking someone's stuff out if it is done.
I hate people.
25 March 2006
Last night I was able to beg off because I was exhausted and spontaneously bursting into tears throughout the evening hours. I'm not really tired tonight and I'm not crying, but I still don't want to go out. I just don't feel like I'll be any fun.
I'm hoping a gin (Bombay Sapphire, fancy!) gimlet gives me the liquid motivation to go out for at least a while. But the glass is half-empty (did I mention that I'm an uber pessimist?) and I'm not feeling any different.
But I'll be a trooper. I guess.