14 November 2006

When does it end?

Seriously. Every time I decide I'm okay it turns out that maybe I was a little hasty in coming to that conclusion.

It's nothing major; just stupid little things, really. I can't bear to read the goings-on between UND and the NCAA about the Fighting Sioux nickname. Why? Because he went to school there. Anything about Africa? A little pin in my heart. Or a big pin. Not like a stake or anything, but you get the idea.

I had a postcard from Augsburg in the mail yesterday touting their master's program in leadership. Nice. He got his master's in leadership just about a year ago. I'm surprised the postcard didn't give me a paper cut and cause me actual physical pain. There were women in the locker room at the gym on Saturday morning talking about playing tennis. But they weren't just talking about playing tennis; they were talking about taking lessons from someone. Too bad he's gone, because I could have recommended him. I'm surprised that there's not a Dave Matthews Band song playing in the background when all these things happen. That would be adding insult to injury, though.

Maybe it's just hormones again. I think in the 22 weeks since he left (I did have to actually count that ... I'm no longer mentally keeping track), I've only managed to have one month where PMS and related hormones managed to let this issue slide. Or, it could be that next Wednesday is the day we met one year ago.

I don't care what the reason is, quite frankly. I just want this to stop. I don't want to care anymore. I don't want to spend time writing about it.

Stupid time. Why do you take so long to heal all wounds?


allbilly said...

Wow...I just found your blog via L'austin and i want it to end for you too. May the force be with you.

L'Austin Translation said...


You know me. I can be a little sticky-minded as well. I notice these little hints and reminders too.

I used to let them really get to me. And sometimes, I still do. With Spoonman, I'm still a little over-kill mean about the Cub's losing streak. But that's more out of habit now.

What I've realized is that these are not really reminders sent to us, just things we would never have noticed before but due to over-sensitivity, we're all over them, almost expecting them.

I'm prescribing more beer and wine intake. Because, seriously, sometimes that's all it takes to be released from our awareness if only for a bit.

AmyD said...

Damn, if I knew the answer to those questions, Oprah would be my bitch. For REAL. ;o)

These things take time, and from what I can tell, a lot of why you and your ex are no longer together was completely out of your control, which is the hardest thing to get over in my opinion. Don't beat yourself up, though, it will pass, and before long, I promise!

AmyD said...

Hee hee...I should always proof my comments BEFORE hitting send. Clearly, I thought, "And before long, I promise" was an educated response.

I promise nothing, really. Love is a battlefield. Dammit. ;o)

Jess said...

Star Wars, beer, wine and Pat Benetar ... All things that make me smile.

I know I'm extra sensitive to these stupid things, but I thought it would have passed by now. AmyD ... not only was it out of my control, but we weren't breaking up because one of us wanted out. That is highly unusual for me. I've done nearly all of the breaking up because I had to get out. I do think that's why this seems worse than anything else I've been through in the past.

At the end of the day, though, I can look back and see how far I've come since he left. And I can up my beer and wine intake. That can only help.

Virginia Belle said...

hey, found ya through Charming, but single.

Oh, i sympathize! i thought i'd never get over some of my exes. i know it sucks. hope things get better for ya soon.

getting attention from a new guy always sort of soothes the wounds for me. even if you don't want to date him, sometimes a rebound fling can get the ex out of your system.

getting busy (literally, not as in, getting your freak on) also works, because you won't have time to think about him. take up a class or a new hobby. it helped me.

when that fails, turn to cigarettes and/or alcohol. or blog about it some more. works for me.