30 October 2006

I made it. Almost, anyway.

There is just one full day left in October. It looks like I'm going to make it through without hearing from Whatshisfuckingface.

So is this it? Did I pass the test? It is interesting to see where I was about six weeks ago and where I was in those first weeks after he left. Those first few weeks were so awful, as they are with most break ups, I guess. I have to chuckle when I think about how I felt then; how I couldn't possibly ever imagine being okay. How could it possibly stop hurting? How could I possibly face life with the prospect of not seeing him for four months? Or ever? I spent so many days fighting tears at work. So many days coming home from work and not having the energy to even sit up on the couch so my tears wouldn't pool on the armrest. So many days under a black cloud that I thought would consume me.

Now those four months have passed and here I am, just fine and dandy. There's been no relapse. I've been able to get through this without him e-mailing me or calling me or coming home and wanting to see me. Whatever reason there is that I haven't heard from him, I'm thankful for it. I don't have to worry about how I'm going to spend five years seeing him every few months and falling in love with him all over again when he comes home, only to lose him again days later.

I'm very glad I sucked it up and made an effort to be on good terms with him before he left. There are plenty of things we both could have done differently, but I think I did the best I could. I have some good memories and I learned some things about myself. Not the least of which was that I can open up my cold, dead heart and love someone. So fuck you, Cornelius and all the others. You didn't break me.

Thanks, Tom. I wish you all the best.

I proclaim this chapter of my life closed.

3 comments:

L'Austin Translation said...

Maybe it's time to reaquaint ourselves with the Vikings... or maybe not after last night.

There are a lot worse fates than losing to Tom "The Hotness" Brady.

I'm proud of you, girl.

Christine said...

I'm glad you have gotten over this! I hope you can move on with your life now because if there is one thing that you don't want and that is to have feelings for someone who is unavailable be that emotionally, geographically or whatever. Onto better things! Yay for moving on! Yay!

csmc said...

Really brave move bacon! It's really hard to face that it is time to end a chapter involving a person you loved so much at one time. Been there for sure!! You'll get through it is easy to say/ hear but it's hard to actually believe. Glad a new chapter is beginning. :)