10 August 2006

Not without my lip balm.

Because of the latest foiled terrorist plot, travelers are forbidden to bring fluids, pastes or gels in their carry-on baggage. At least that is what I'd read this morning. However, it looks like it's getting more and more restrictive. Throwing away make up? Eyeshadow? Pressed powder? Where do they fit in? Lipstick? Lip gloss? Oh my God. It's worse than I thought.

Bill Poland, 61, of Ross was headed to Lake George, New York, with his wife and son. He held up a tube of lip balm and shouted to a security officer who told him he couldn't bring it on the plane with him. He said he recently had a cancerous growth removed from his lip and the anti-bacterial ointment was necessary treatment.

"In an hour or two my lips are going to start burning and turning purple. And I've got five to six hours on a plane without this," he said. "This is not something I'm looking forward to."

You can't bring lip balm on a flight now? If I had to fly, would I be able to impress upon security just how addicted I am to Burt's Bees Beeswax Lip Balm? I freak out to panic attack-like proportions if I discover I've left the house without it. I'm guessing not, since a guy who needed a tube of it for his cancer-treated lips couldn't get on a flight with it.

Flying dehydrates you. I can't let my lips dry out. After all, my soft, kissable, Burt's Bees-conditioned lips were one of the things Whatshisfuckingface loved about me. I can just about imagine my lips drying out, and licking them to try to impart some moisture. But the evaporation only makes your lips more dry. So you lick them more and before you know it you're in full-blown lip-chap mode. You'd probably end up looking like a little kid in winter who has that full, chapped ring around the outside of his lips if you were on a really long flight.

Will the airlines provide security-screened moisturizer and lip balm? I wear contacts. What if they get dry? Who will suction them off my corneas if I'm not allowed to have rewetting drops on a flight? Are newsstands in on the concourse selling any of these items? I've not read anything about that yet.

It's not like I was planning to go anywhere, anyway, but there's no way I can get on a flight without my lip balm. Would they be able to find it if I hid it somewhere? Can drug-sniffing dogs detect lanolin, almond oil or peppermint? Will the plastic wrap encasing a new tube protect my nether regions should I try to smuggle a tube on board?

If I can't take a tube or a tin of lip balm on a flight the terrorists have already won.


csmc said...

Geez... This is so out of hand. I wonder if you could empty it out of the container and put it in a little baggie? Then they would prob think it was something else terrorist related. Buut they shouldn't be able to pick up a little baggie in your pocket and you can claim innocence that way if they find it. Ooohhh.. I thought it was about the packaging... or something like that.

csmc said...

That guy should sue the airline company about his condition too.. money and lack of it always talks.