17 July 2006

What is wrong with me?

I am so completely roadblocked on this project at work, it's no longer funny. Quite frankly, I'm not sure it ever was funny, but that's not the point. I don't know what the problem is. Could it be that in the nearly two years I've been there, this is the first real report I've had (the opportunity) to write? Have I gotten so entrenched into the slacking off mode that I can't come out of it?

I'm trying. I really am. But I spend day after day looking at this thing and not having a clue where to begin. At the moment, I'm combating that by doing little things. My hope is that starting small will get my brain over whatever is blocking my path. If I chip away at whatever is blocking my creative juices a little bit every day, eventually the dam will weaken and the words will flow. Also, a deadline might help motivate me. I work well under deadline, what can I say? I will procrastinate like a motherfucker until the last minute if I'm allowed.

Yes, it's been almost two years at this place. This is usually the time I start getting bored, frustrated or some combination of the two. And I can feel that happening. I'm not quite ready to update my resume and take the plunge back into the job search, but I'm getting very close. My worry is that after two years at this job, I have exactly jack shit to show for my time. Oh, there's that one brochure I did. And some editing and captions for another. One whole proposal that was funded. Whooooo! I'm awesome. Also, as I have mentioned previously, I don't know what I want to do. I'll find something, though. I'll be okay.

As for other areas of life, I feel like I've turned a bit of a corner. I'm over my burning desire for solitude for the time being. That's good, right?

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