02 June 2006

Is this how I know I'm from rural Minnesota?

My mom forwarded an e-mail to me today with the subject line: "YOU'RE FROM RURAL MINNESOTA IF..." Why she sent it only to me and not to my siblings is beyond me. Then again, she may have forwarded it to them separately. She just recently figured out how to forward things and respond to a previous message. Bless her heart.

See, I already know I am from rural Minnesota. I spent 18 long years on a farm outside Janesville. It's difficult to forget that I grew up in the boonies, but I think I've managed to embrace city life quite nicely. Plenty of people I've met over the years have told me they'd never have guessed I was the daughter of a hog farmer.

All this being said, I'm going to try to debunk this silly e-mail. I've not read it, so I have no idea what it says. I'm commenting on it as I read it. Fun!

YOU'RE FROM RURAL MINNESOTA IF...

You know how to polka, but never tried it sober. I don't really know how to polka. One of my fellow cheerleaders (there goes that secret) tried to teach me once during a game, but it didn't take. And I was sober at the time, so there.

You know what knee-high by the Fourth of July means. I think it's for corn? But I've never actually heard anyone use this in conversation.

You know it's traditional for the bride and groom to go bar hopping between the ceremony and the reception. Yeah, I do know that.

You were delighted to get a miniature snow shovel for your 3rd birthday. I have no idea what I received for my third birthday. There were miniature shovels around when we were young, though.

You buy Christmas presents at Fleet Farm. I've never been to Fleet Farm. Growing up, the closest one was (and probably is to me now that I live in Minneapolis) in Lakeville, which is almost in the Cities, darn it. Larry wasn't going to go that far when he could just go into the Creamery in town or somewhere in Mankato. Come on.

You spent more on beer than you did on food at your wedding. (well duh) I'm not sure if the "(well duh)" was added by someone or what. But I haven't had a wedding so I can't answer it. Knowing my family, if I was ever to have a wedding (should something strange happen and I end up getting hitched someday, I'm eloping), we would spend more on liquor. I don't know how much that has to do with being from rural Minnesota. We're Irish. We drink.

You hear someone use the word "oof-dah" and you don't immediately break into uncontrollable laughter. First of all, it's spelled "Uff da." Jesus Christ. I never heard anyone use this term in a non-ironic context until I was in Crookston in 1996.

You or someone you know was a "Dairy Princess" at a county fair (Don't ask and no I was not) Okay, I'm guessing that the person who sent this to whoever sent it to my Mom added the parenthetical comments. Anyway, when I was the Waseca County Pork Ambassador, I hated the Dairy Princess. She was such a bitch.

You know that "combine" is a noun. I know it's a verb, too. Football draftniks use it as a noun, too.

You think Lutheran and Catholic are THE major religions. In my hometown they are. Rest of the world, not so much. When I was a little girl, I'd go to the Lutheran church every now and again with my mom. I guess it was because I went there with her and to Mass with my dad that I thought that the Lutheran church was for women and the Catholic church was for men. Nevermind that there were people of both genders there. I had some crazy ideas when I was three or four.

You know that creek rhymes with pick. I know what someone is talking about when they use that pronunciation. I say "creek." I think this was possibly going to be one of the entries in my best friend's "Country Dictionary." As a town girl, she was often unfamiliar with some of the terms those of us used who grew up "out in the country."

Football(baseball) schedules are checked before wedding dates are set. I wish.

A Friday night date is taking your girlfriend shining for deer. I wouldn't put this past some of the guys I knew in high school, I guess.

Saturday you go the local bowling alley. Were there is karaoke and Texas Holdem. I'm ignoring the "were" that should be "where." And that "holdem" isn't actually one word. Okay, so I'm not. Who wrote this? When we were growing up, no one had even heard of karaoke and no one played poker.

There was at least one kid in your class who had to help milk cows in the morning...phew! I don't think so. Jeanne Glynn is the only classmate I can remember who grew up on a dairy farm. Can't remember if she had to help with the milking or not.

You have driven your car on a lake, or in a field for a party. Never drove my car on a lake. Not sure if I ever drove to any parties out in fields. But I was in many cars that did both.

You can make sense out of the word "upnort" and "batree." Took me a minute, but yeah, I got it.

You always believed that vacation meant "going up North." I think I was in high school before we went up North. You don't take many summer vacations when your dad is a farmer.

At every wedding you have been to you have had to dance the hokey poky & the chicken dance. Um, no.

Your definition of a small town is one that only has one or more bars What happened to the punctuation here, Sparky? This one doesn't even make sense. A small town has one or more bars? Minneapolis has one or more bars. I'm pretty sure it's not a small town.

The local gas station sells live bait. Did G&S sell live bait? I spent a lot of time in there one summer. Can't remember, though.

At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant. What? I don't know what this means either. Never happened at my house.

Your mom asks, "Were you born in a barn?" and you know exactly what she means. Don't most people know what this means, regardless of whether they grew up in rural or urban Minnesota? I don't know.

You think that the start of deer season is a national holiday. Uh, no. I don't.

Pop is not only what you call your dad, but is the ONLY name for soda. I've never called my dad "Pop." I was broken of saying "pop" for soda when I went to school in North Carolina. But I wouldn't join their ranks of calling it a "drink." I mostly use "soda" now.

You actually understand these jokes and forward them to all your Minnesota friends. I didn't understand them all. And I will not be forwarding them, 'cause this list was pretty freakin' lame.

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