26 April 2006

Conflicted.

I feel like I'm going crazy. Whatshisfuckingface leaves in less than a month. I'm so angry at him. I'm devastated that he's leaving. I'm hurt that he doesn't think enough of me to stay. And at the same time as all of that, I miss him so much and want to see him so badly that it hurts.

This is quite confusing. But then again, who said love was easy? Oh, that's right: no one. It would be easy if I hated him. It would be easy if I was only angry. Okay, so maybe it wouldn't be easy. It sure as hell would be easier.

I feel sad that I'm actually looking forward to him leaving, if only so I can feel a sense of closure and can start moving on with my life. Then again, if he's coming back in October already, how much moving on can I accomplish in five months?

Thankfully, I should have a lot of stuff to keep me at least slightly occupied after he leaves. There are shows, holidays, stuff at home ... Honestly, the first month is all booked up on the weekends. That will be the toughest. At least, I think it will be the toughest. After going through the waiting-for-him-to-leave stage, it might actually be a relief.

Who knows? Certainly not me. I will in time, though, I guess.

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