29 March 2006

Dilemma of the day.

I guess it might not technically be today's dilemma, since I won't be acting on it for a couple of days, but whatever. I'm debating whether or not I want to paint my nails for the weekend. The dilemma is this: should I cut them down or leave them longer? My nails grow ridiculously fast. And I try to keep them pretty short because I can type faster and with fewer mistakes when they're short. When I wear polish these days, I like to wear really dark colors and I think they look best when my nails are really short. However, I've been crying quite a bit lately and the most effective method I've found for keeping myself from starting crying or helping to stop is digging my nails into my palms. Can't do that with short nails.

Does digging my nails into my palms put me on the verge of being a cutter? I haven't broken the skin (yet), but I do have distinct marks there. I suppose it's only a matter of time before I do break the skin. I think I'm too old to be a cutter. And do much of a wuss. Though, I'm itching for a new tattoo ... mainly because I want the pain.

Why am I so concerned about the whole painting my nails thing anyway? This weekend some people in my hometown are resurrecting the amateur production of "Hee Haw." When I was just a wee lass, my mom was in the Jaycee Women. The Jaycee Women used to do a production of Hee Haw every year as ... I don't know, a fundraiser maybe. Apparently, some people (including my high school choir director) got together and decided that bringing back Hee Haw would be a good fundraiser for my hometown's sesquicentennial. I guess there are going to be a lot of special events at Hay Daze this year. Back to Hee Haw, I somehow got roped into participating. I wasn't ever even asked, as far as I know. It was more like, "Okay, you're going to sing this and keep these dates open and I'll know more later."

I figure that since I'm singing "Pink Cadillac," (closest to Natalie Cole's version, if you must know) I don't have to quite get down with the whole country theme as much as everyone else. My song sounds much more bluesy/r&b than anything else. When I go home, I have this irresistable urge to totally up my hipster quotient for some reason. Maybe it goes back to being different in high school. I wasn't always trying to intentionally be weird. Truth is, I'm just a bit of an odd duck amongst the people in my hometown. One of the pieces of upping my hipster shield would include wearing black nail polish. Maybe the really deep red-brown that I have, but I think this occasion calls for black nail polish. It's so much more rock 'n' roll.

At least I have a couple of days before I have to do anything. Perhaps I can get my emotions under control and I can won't need to dig my nails into my palms any more. Let's hope so.


BluePlaidSkirt♥ said...

i have been google searching the digging nails into palms thing... not because of you, because of me. i started doing it about a week ago, i think because i was stressed out about a math test. now i have a sort of sick curiousity about it... and i am doing whenever i am nervous. the marks last many hours, i havent noticed if they stay over night. tell me what you get on this, because i am definitely scaring myself but can't stop. and like you said, i too am too chicken to do something like cutting.

Jess said...

I'm actually kind of over it now. I mean, I still do it every now and again if I feel I might start crying, but that's pretty rare.

I do stuff like bite my knuckle when I'm nervous watching like, a basketball game or something. I think as long as that's the furthest you take it and you're not leaving permanent marks, there's probably not much to worry about. Good luck, though.