11 November 2013

The return of Stuart Little.

For whatever reason, I overslept by almost two hours on Thursday. Oh, what an auspicious start to a day. I rolled out of bed, contemplating working from home. But no, I'll hurry my ass up and get into the office. I did my normal, turn on the TV and computer and headed to the kitchen to get a glass of milk with which to take my ibuprofen to quiet my stupid carpal tunnel/tendinitis.

As I walked to the kitchen (mind you, this is like, three feet from my couch), I saw the dark, small shape scurry across the door to the deck.

I screamed and high-tailed it to my bedroom. A mouse. A goddamn motherfucking mouse. I was terrified and angry.

The first thing I did was grab my backpack and start packing for at least one night away from home. If The Boy I Currently Like said no, I'd have to expand my search. But he offered before I even asked.

I got ready, packed and headed to work. Spent the night at The Boy's house and decided to go to the 'rents' for the weekend. The Boy offered up his place, but he was going to be out of town all weekend, so what's the point? At the 'rents', at least I'd get plenty of dog time. He was supposed to swing by my place to check poison placement and supply, but way overslept and didn't make it. OH GOD.

With him not stopping by, I decided I would lay additional poison when I stopped back here to shut off some lights and grab my laundry. I did a piss-poor job of poison placement. I thought I'd shove it behind the fridge, but I realized I'd have to move the fridge. In my panicked state, that wasn't gonna happen.

Yesterday was a fucking bitch. I got myself SUPER worked up about coming back here to the unknown. Like, I thought I was gonna throw up, or piss out my butt (CLASSY!). Oddly, though, once I got here, things felt mostly okay. I mean, I spent all night in my bedroom. I'm essentially doing the same tonight. Though, I did brave the kitchen briefly, to put my dinner leftovers in the fridge.

The Boy did come over after work tonight to check things out. The d-Con that I put out in the late spring to replace the stuff that was eaten was gone. The new, poorly-placed stuff was still full. I'm operating under the (probable) delusion that the mouse I saw Thursday was on its way from having eaten that d-Con. But if not, it can eat the new stuff and then fucking die. I even managed to go into the kitchen tonight. Wearing high-heeled boots and mostly covering my eyes. BUT I DID IT.

Hopefully my bravery will continue to mount over the course of the week, and by the weekend, I'll be able to do stuff in the kitchen. I hate buying my dinner from places. At least tonight I managed to save leftovers for tomorrow. And I've got a freezer full of stuff that means I don't have to worry about my lunch for a few days.

UGH. I hate being such a goddamn baby. But I am who I am, or whatever. I don't know what's making me so tired, but I'm very glad for the fatigue, or I might not sleep. I'm making sure to help things out here, by drinking plenty of wine.

This shit sucks, yo.

03 November 2013

Free time!

Okay, I haven't been here in so long that I've forgotten how to get here. Maybe part of it was Google changing the interface a bit, but I seriously was like, "Uh, how exactly do I get to Blogger again?"

I've been sitting here, watching the Timberwolves, wondering what else I could be doing with myself because I've kinda run out of shit to do today. And that feels really weird.

Work has been insanely busy for the last several weeks. My boss had surgery and was supposed to be out two weeks. It's been more like seven weeks at this point. I've worked mostly 50-hour weeks (at least it feels that way) while he's been out. But I guess it's been worth it, because all the work I did brought in one new client and possibly two additional clients.

Of course, no one has even thanked me to my face. But what else is new at this place? I will certainly be pushing for a raise and promotion come review time.

Honestly, I don't know what is going on today. I took all day yesterday off (because it's Saturday and taking a weekend day "off" is something I need to justify?) and was really pretty damn lazy. Well, I guess I ran errands after a nap and watching the Gophers win in a squeaker.

Today, though, I went to the gym, did laundry and dishes, removed my AC unit and cleaned up the resulting dusty, leafy mess, cooked a roast (about to roast some vegetable accompaniments), worked a good three hours and once the Timberwolves game started, I was all, "What next?" I swear I couldn't spend two days being lazy if my life depended on it. And there was much clearing of the DVR yesterday and today.

Oh sweet Christ. My phone just chimed in with a WINTER STORM WARNING. Guess I got that air conditioner out just in time.

So yeah, I haven't posted in more than two months. But not a whole lot has happened. My nephew turned one. I saw Neko Case and Jason Isbell. Went to La Cross for a Girls' Weekend with KayGee, Em, Alli and Jenn. Probably other things. I honestly don't remember much of September. I'm probably forgetting something major from September. Good thing I haven't posted in a while, so no one is reading and no one will have his or her feelings hurt.

Don't expect a flurry of posts. I was doing okay there for a little while, but shit got busy and the posts dried up. I wish I had something to say about the Minneapolis mayoral race in advance of the election Tuesday. I've been relying on the research and opinions of others (which generally match mine, but still) to help inform my decision. I just wish there was more than one non-shitty candidate (we have ranked choice voting! Captain Jack Sparrow might get my third vote),

Maybe I'll have time to post shit if we get this storm in the next couple of days. Jesus. I can't handle that.

26 August 2013

Oh, Monday. Stop being so Mondayish.

My phone died overnight, which might not normally be a problem, but in this case, it's also my alarm. So it's mildly problematic in this case. 

I knew something was terribly wrong when I woke up on my own, feeling nicely rested. Stupid oversleeping. I mean, getting a decent night's sleep is awesome. But waking up at the time I was supposed to leave for work is less than ideal.

When I realized what was up, I ran to wash my face and get ready. Except, who wants to get to work at like, 10? Not this guy. 

The new boss was starting today, so I felt kinda bad about not being there, but he's gonna be there for a while, so ... I am quite interested to see where he's gonna end up, as when we moved into this new office, the Powers That Be decided it would be a great idea to not allow any room for expansion. So, what happens? They hire two new bosses who are going to hire new employees and there is nowhere for any of them to sit. That's some great thinking right there. Business!

Once I decided to work from home, I just decided to go all in and not even leave the house. Because it is like Satan's motherfucking asshole out there. We have a heat advisory through Thursday. And it started yesterday. It's the end of fucking August, by the way. Yeah, so I ended up not even leaving the house today, save to go out and get the mail, which is five steps away from my front door. 

This is kinda going nowhere. Which is totally exciting. I'm just hoping Tuesday isn't as horrible as Tuesdays tend to be. Also, I should look for a new alarm clock.

25 August 2013


Man. I just got my first free weekend in ages. Like, six weeks to be a bit more precise. There have been so many things going on -- mom's knee replacement, family vacation, sister's wedding, concerts, Girls' Weekend, work, friends visiting  ...

I mean, I was gently accused of being busy yesterday! I had to squeeze some damn time in my schedule to visit W before she pops out Baby #2. She may have mentioned something about me doing "Jess Things." And yeah, I guess that's true. But man, I am ready for this shit to be done.

One of the many things that have fallen to the wayside while I've been busy with shit was the general state of my apartment. Being home was stressing me out because there was so much fucking clutter and dust and dear sweet Jebus, I couldn't stand it.

So, this was to be my weekend to clean. And then this weekend arrived. And so did the heat. I figured I'd be able to clean and do a bunch of cooking yesterday, because the heat wave wasn't supposed to start until Sunday. Except it was still 88 or 90 yesterday. The humidity didn't kick in until later in the day, so after I got home from the house on Pillsbury, I managed to at least do a little cooking and ... well, I didn't clean, but I put a bunch of shit away and the mess isn't nearly as stressful now (though, I have managed to fill some of the space back in awfully quickly).

My apartment didn't seem so bad early this afternoon. This, of course, led me to think it might be a good idea to do some cooking. The fridge has been full-to-overflowing with CSA vegetables, so I needed to do something. Minestrone seemed like the thing to do. And it got pretty bad. Doing the dishes didn't help. This is obviously not a good week for soup-eating, so I had to have lunch, too. Chicken thighs in the crockpot it is.

Suffice it to say, it's warmish in here and I have a shitload of dishes to do. But they're gonna have to wait until tomorrow. I just can't fucking handle it tonight. At least I've got food to eat all week and I shouldn't have to turn on the oven. Maybe I can even do a smidge of cleaning each night, too.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Oh, that's hilarious. Maybe next weekend.

Now, I've gotta eat this sweet corn and take a shower.

11 August 2013

All this summer is getting to me.

Dear sweet baby Jebus, I hate myself for this, but I'm getting ready for it to be Fall. I have just packed so much shit into such short little stretches of summer that I need a break.

But Girls' Weekend is on the horizon. I think that's gonna be my last summer hurrah. Well, then a month later is Fat Mike the Gangsta's 40th birthday extravaganza. Then it's done for a while. Until my next Girls's Weekend, about two weeks later. At least I'm gonna have a few weekends coming up here to unpack everything and get my damn apartment cleaned up.

My sister's wedding went just fine. By the time I got home the following day, I had to turn around and meet KayGee and my friend Laurie and her husband, who were in town visiting. Some eight hours later, I came home. Yeesh. Again, totally worth it and a blast. Now I have a year or so to work on getting them to move here.

Had big plans for being at my sister's today, including doing a bunch of grilling. However, when I went out to start it up, I found the propane tank empty. POOPS.

Now, I just have to get through a few more days (second four-day work week in a row!) and I will be floating on a lake, getting drunk with some of my favorite ladies in the world.

I can do this.

06 August 2013


I was supposed to be at First Ave right now, having my world rocked by D'Angelo. Alas, he's ill. Wait, that isn't quite right. He's seriously ill -- he's in the hospital and the statement "but he's going to make it," was in print about his condition.

Holy shit! Obviously, I'm disappointed, but I'd rather he cancel a show and live to tour when his album drops than anything else. Honestly, after that show six weeks ago, I'm still swooning.

Before I found out D'Angelo was canceled (yesterday), I'd sold the ticket I had to see The National tonight. I'd had that ticket for MONTHS. And I actually am not sad to be missing that show. I mean, a bunch of my friends are there and it would have been a blast. But I have an 8:00 a.m. call with a potential client tomorrow, so I kinda need to have my shit together for that.

In terms of other disappointments, I tried to buy some goddamn makeup for my sister's upcoming nuptials (Friday! Yeah, things been happening) after work yesterday. I thought, "oh, I'll just swing by the Mall of America after work and hit Sephora and/or MAC and then hit the gym."

Yeah... it didn't quite work like that. The MOA Sephora was a disaster area and there were no associates on the sales floor. At MAC, I did get offered help, but the girl just fucking walked away and never came back (her eyes shadow was terrible, anyway). So, I drove to another suburb to another poorly-staffed Sephora (at least they had the Urban Decay makeup setting spray I wanted [which doesn't appear to work for shit]) where the staff eventually -- as I was leaving -- overly friendly to me. I'm suspicious of anyone I don't know telling me I look really pretty in a particular color. STOP BEING NICE NOW THAT I'M LEAVING, JERKS.

I finally got some help from the lovely lass at the MAC counter at Macy's and of course, as of today, I'm not sure it was such a great choice. I mean, I've used the foundation (Studio Tech) in the past. I probably just need to get used to applying it again, as I've been using tinted moisturizer for a couple of years now, at least. It'll all be okay!  Shit, it ain't my wedding and I ain't paying for the pictures. I don't really give too many fucks in this scenario.

04 August 2013

Thought about blogging, so dammit, I'm gonna blog.

Man, if I could get my blog posts to transmit from my brain to the Internets, I'd have so damn more many posts. I really should have sat down to write it when I was thinking about it, but I was working and shit. Oh, how I was going to regale y'all. Hahahahahahahahaha.

There's been many a thing happening over the last however long it's been since I wrote anything. Most recently, we had a family vacation. Everyone was there -- from the 'rents (including my mom and her new knee) to my future brother-in-law to The Boy I Currently Like. Yes, he came on the family vacation and it went swimmingly.

After six days with eight other people and a dog around, I was desperate for alone time, but I came back to the Minneapple and promptly turned around and met Law Talkin' Gal and went to see The Postal Service. I didn't even finish unpacking. Truth be told, I didn't truly finish that until today. And honestly, I still have a bag with cans of club soda, peanut butter and nutella sitting in the kitchen.

Oh, did I have plans to be productive on Saturday. I was gonna go to the farmer's market, do some cooking and laundry and work. I showered. And cleared some space on my DVR. I barely sat up on the couch, for fuck's sake. Good thing I showered, though, because I ended up leaving home for two hours to go drink with S&M at Liquor Lyle's. Totes worth it.

Thankfully, I was home and in bed at a reasonable hour, if not fairly drunk. Today was my day to be productive. I went to the farmer's market, did four loads of laundry, worked and cooked two goddamn meals and did dishes twice. LOOK AT ME GO.

And as I type these last few sentences, I feel the burning in my forearm. I've got carpal tunnel syndrome and forearm tendinitis. I'm not wearing my brace or straps. First thing tomorrow I have physical therapy, so I should probably be shutting her down for the night. Plus, I've got lettuce to clean yet.

18 June 2013

PMS Indicators

Hey there. Yes, I'm still alive. Honestly didn't realize it had been so long since I wrote anything. And now work is getting insane again, so there goes that.

This started out as a tweet, but quickly spiraled well past 140 characters.

  • Zitty.
  • Sore boobs.
  • Cried in the shower last night because I had to miss Kelly Hogan at the Dakota Jazz Club.
  • Cramps (duh).
  • Can't watch DVRed episodes of Nigella Lawson's shows because what her husband did to her makes me sick to my stomach and I just feel so sad and humiliated for her.
  • Unexplained bruises (more so than normal, anyway).
  • Tired.
  • Zitty.
  • Bought cookies at both Target and The Wedge tonight, and somehow managed to avoid buying an industrial-sized package of Twizzlers.
  • Heartburn. Oh God, the heartburn.
  • Just now cried at a friend's Facebook update.
  • Super-sensitive gag reflex (how dare you try to brush your back molars, lady!). 
  • Angry enough to punch someone.
  • The headaches.
  • Thought everyone at the gym and the Wedge was staring at me and judging me.
  • So very, very zitty.

Being a lady is fun.

05 May 2013

Spring has sprung.

I wasn't willing to say anything until I knew for sure. There were too many people jinxing the arrival of spring, which is why we had snow a few days ago. Of course, we here in the metro area really only got a dusting on Friday. But still, I should not have to be scraping my car on May freakin' third.

But today? Oh, today was lovely. I went for a walk around Lake Calhoun and had a beer on the deck after. Screw laundry! Actually, I did my laundry, too. It's now nearly 11:15 and I have all my windows open. It's sweeeeeet.

I've missed you, Spring. It's nice to see you back. Let's not fight again.

22 April 2013

In my mind, my summer is already ruined.

Man, this imagination of mine sure is somethin'. It's enough on it's own, but combined with my penchant for ratcheting up from next-to-nothing to absolute-worst-case-scenario ...

I have new upstairs neighbors. They've lived here maybe a week or so and they're already on my shit list. Thanks to them, I've already taken two ice-cold showers (and washed my dishes in cool water ... you'll know what killed me when I turn up dead!), which is really great post-workout. You want those muscles to stiffen up as much and as quickly as possible. And a cold shower is really great at like, 10:00 at night. Because the thing you need right before bed is to be shocked into awakeness.

Also, I'm fairly certain at least one of them is M. Piedlourde. They wake me up in the morning, stomping around and have been causing pieces of plaster to fall from my bedroom ceiling (you'll know what caused it if I turn up dead by being crushed instead of falling victim to some sort of food borne illness).

However, I'm not worried they're going to use the deck when it gets nice out. I'm not sure why I'm so convinced of this fact, but  ... well, I just feel it, okay? And I can't fucking handle going through that again. I never did get an answer as to when the designation of the deck going with this apartment to belonging to the entire building happened. Management never returned that phone call.

I can't handle having people out there when I'm in here, 10 feet away, just trying to live my damn life. I lose so much if that happens.

Probably its this GODDAMN SNOWSTORM messing with my head. Though, I thought I'd come to terms with it. Maybe I just think I came to terms with it. I still have my argument about my deck being the one thing that never gets shoveled when the building maintenance people come to shovel sidewalks. If it was communal property, shouldn't they clear it, too?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna try to talk myself down with some wine so maybe I can go to damn sleep later.